Tips for Safe and Sane Indy-Pendence Day (and avoiding diahreah)
Hey! Guess what time of the year it is! If you guessed it’s time to start Holiday shopping cause the religious holidays are just 5 friggin months away, you’re damn right!
It’s also….. <drum roll please>….. POP BANG POP BANG KABOOM, OW MY F*CKING HAND IS ON FIRE! Yes, it’s Independence Day weekend.
It’s too bad, so many people find this holiday so stressful these days because of the yayhoo crackers who buy a buttload of ammunition from the Indians (or National First People-WTF) then they get drunk and set OUR houses on fire. I’m not too stressed this year. I have a good dose of tranquilizers I’m taking for healing from a family matter, and I my friend Steve who lives in Portland (and has cancer and a medicinal marijuana card) gave me some weed! Yes, Johnny’s got dope! Oh, God my morals have just gone out the friggin window! Aren’t you ashamed of me? You shouldn’t be. It’s freakin killer bud from the opium dens of Portland. Don’t be alarmed. It’s just a teeny bit and I don’t intend on making it a habit. So either deal with it or email me and I’ll share… Enough said.
Are you celebrating this year? Here’s some tips:
1. If you’re going to be drinking alcohol (or getting stoney like me), don’t light fireworks.. Your mental and physical responses are slowed down a lot from drinking. Hand the fireworks and the matches to a drunk friend or neighbor and let them light up and get their head blown off.
2. DO NOT leave potato salad uncovered for more than 6 hours. Eating such stuff could give you explosive diarrhea, which is worse than fireworks.
3. Do not buy the beer at Safway that has the ducks and geese and wild animals on the cans. I don’t recall the brand name, we just call it “duck beer.” It tastes like urine and… I think that’s what it is…. 
4. Do not drink and drive (or get stoned and drive). Get all your drinking done at home THEN go driving.
5. If you want a good place to hang out, seriously consider the 4th of July Festival in Steilacoom Washington. It’s an all day event withy food and goofy stuff, then a street party/street dance in the evening and a very nice fireworks display at about 10pm. I would say this is the best place to hang in Tacoma on 4th of July, as there is a lot of fun, and it’s safe. The Steilacoom Police do not put up with any funny business. It’s much safer and fun than Tacoma’s BS Freedom Fair in old town Tacoma. I’ll be there, probably stoned. I sure hope they have some munchies.
Have a nice holiday and please don’t scare our pets or elderly neighbors with loud noises!
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July 9th, 2010 at 12:18 am
They’re still willing to part with their money if you can give them a reason to be interested, if you can create something that they want. Maybe they want to get something more from you than just your music.