Having been a patron of many of the online dating services, I have enough strange and amusing stories to fill a book. But for now, a short blog with tips learned through my trials and tribulations. There have been the usual occurences of running into women who post pictures of women much younger, skinnier and prettier than themselves. These women actually showed up for coffee and I discovered that they are plumper, older and gnarlier than I was lead to believe.  Yet, there are subtle clues a man should be aware of.

If you are chatting with a girl on the telephone prior to the first meeting, listen for sounds of cats in the background. One cat may be ok. But, if it sounds like you have called the Humane Society, DO NOT make a coffee date with this woman. My “cat woman” explained that one of her cats was the reincarnation of a kitten that had died years earlier. I don’t recall much of what she said after that, and I didn’t bother calling her again.

Women who post pictures of themselves wearing funny hats are to be avoided. I would rather a woman amuse me with her rapier wit, a bit of dry, sarcastic humor, rather than a poor attempt at slapstick, ala Bozo The Clown.

Women who post the Glamour Shots photos should be avoided. Glamour Shots photos have never been complimentary of any woman or girl and are as silly as a funny hat or the old fake nose and funny glasses gag.

Women who post pictures of mountains, the ocean, or their pets. If I want to see pretty scenery, there is plenty of that on Webshots or Google images. Dogs and cats don’t do it for me. Cut to the chase, put your best pictures up there, be honest and cut the crap.

Women who post pictures of themselves with other men. Need I say more. Enjoy my posting of me at the Playboy Mansion. I am sure the ladies will think that makes me seem all the sexier. It goes both ways. We don’t want to see pictures of their male friends, family, pets, motorcycle, jet ski, funny hat or girlfriends. Well, maybe their girlfriends.

Women who include anywhere in their profile “Must Love Dogs”.  Nope! Don’t love dogs. Haven’t since I was a young boy. I love women!! That’s what I am on the dating website for. I’m not searching a kennel for Lassie.

Women who have a laundry list of what a man should be to suit her taste.  I quickly move on to the next profile. I can imagine what a nag this woman must be like. I shudder to think!

Dating websites offer many advantages over “the bar scene”. The chance to meet many women, with little effort, very little expenditure, except time and patience. I am sure the ladies have run into odd situations while searching the profiles of men on those sites.  Comments are welcome.

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